Malmesbury Singers

Choir Joke

A FEW SINGERS JOKES...

Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.

Q: What's the difference between a Female Singer and a Porsche?
A: Most musicians have never been in a Porsche.

Q: What's the difference between a soprano and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A: Two. One to hold the diet cola and the other to get her accompanist to do it.
A: Four. One to change the bulb and three to pull the chair out from under her.

Q: What's the definition of an alto?
A: soprano who can sightread.

Q: What's the difference between an alto and a tenor?
A: Tenors don't have hair on their backs.

Q: How many altos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. They can't get that high.
A: Two; one to screw it in and the other to say, "Isn't that a little high for you?"

Q: How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to change the bulb and three to bitch that they could have done it if they had the high notes.

Q: How do you tell if a tenor is dead?
A: The wine bottle is still full and the comics haven't been touched.

Q: What's the definition of a male quartet?
A: Three men and a tenor

Q: Why do high school choruses travel so often?
A: Keeps assassins guessing.

Q: What's the definition of an optimist?
A: A choral director with a mortgage.

Q: How are sopranos defying the laws of astrophysics?
A: The centre of the universe shifts with every step they take.

Q: What's the difference between a dressmaker and an alto?
A: The dressmaker tucks up the frills

Q: Why are soprano jokes all one-liners?
A: So tenors can understand them.

Q: How many basses does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They're so macho they prefer to walk in the dark and bang their shins.

Come & Sing!